Much Ado about Nothing

Scene V. Another Room in Leonato’s House.

Enter Leonato and Dogberry and Verges.

LEONATO.
What would you with me, honest neighbour?

DOGBERRY.
Marry, sir, I would have some confidence with you, that decerns you nearly.

LEONATO.
Brief, I pray you; for you see it is a busy time with me.

DOGBERRY.
Marry, this it is, sir.

VERGES.
Yes, in truth it is, sir.

LEONATO.
What is it, my good friends?

DOGBERRY.
Goodman Verges, sir, speaks a little off the matter: an old man, sir, and his wits are not so blunt as, God help, I would desire they were; but, in faith, honest as the skin between his brows.

VERGES.
Yes, I thank God, I am as honest as any man living, that is an old man and no honester than I.

DOGBERRY.
Comparisons are odorous: palabras, neighbour Verges.

LEONATO.
Neighbours, you are tedious.

DOGBERRY.
It pleases your worship to say so, but we are the poor Duke’s officers; but truly, for mine own part, if I were as tedious as a king, I could find in my heart to bestow it all of your worship.

LEONATO.
All thy tediousness on me! ah?

DOGBERRY.
Yea, and ’twere a thousand pound more than ’tis; for I hear as good exclamation on your worship, as of any man in the city, and though I be but a poor man, I am glad to hear it.

VERGES.
And so am I.

LEONATO.
I would fain know what you have to say.

VERGES.
Marry, sir, our watch tonight, excepting your worship’s presence, ha’ ta’en a couple of as arrant knaves as any in Messina.

DOGBERRY.
A good old man, sir; he will be talking; as they say, ‘when the age is in, the wit is out.’ God help us! it is a world to see! Well said, i’ faith, neighbour Verges: well, God’s a good man; and two men ride of a horse, one must ride behind. An honest soul, i’ faith, sir; by my troth he is, as ever broke bread; but God is to be worshipped: all men are not alike; alas! good neighbour.

LEONATO.
Indeed, neighbour, he comes too short of you.

DOGBERRY.
Gifts that God gives.

LEONATO.
I must leave you.

DOGBERRY.
One word, sir: our watch, sir, have indeed comprehended two aspicious persons, and we would have them this morning examined before your worship.

LEONATO.
Take their examination yourself, and bring it me: I am now in great haste, as may appear unto you.

DOGBERRY.
It shall be suffigance.

LEONATO.
Drink some wine ere you go: fare you well.

Enter a Messenger.

MESSENGER.
My lord, they stay for you to give your daughter to her husband.

LEONATO.
I’ll wait upon them: I am ready.

[Exeunt Leonato and Messenger.]

DOGBERRY.
Go, good partner, go get you to Francis Seacoal; bid him bring his pen and inkhorn to the gaol: we are now to examination these men.

VERGES.
And we must do it wisely.

DOGBERRY.
We will spare for no wit, I warrant you; here’s that shall drive some of them to a non-come: only get the learned writer to set down our excommunication, and meet me at the gaol.

[Exeunt.]