Saltbush Bill, J. P.

The Matrimonial Stakes

  I wooed her with a steeplechase, I won her with a fall,
   I made her heartstrings quiver on the flat
  When the pony missed his take-off, and we crashed into the wall;
   Well, she simply had to have me after that!

  It awoke a thrill of interest when they pulled me out for dead
   From beneath the shattered ruins of a horse;
  And, although she looked indifferent when I landed—on my head—
   In the water, it appealed to her, of course!

  When I won the Flappers' Flat-race it was “all Sir Garneo”,
   For she praised the way I made my final run.
  And she thought the riding did it—for how could the poor girl know
   That a monkey could have ridden it and won!

  Then they “weighed me in” a winner—it's not often that occurs!
   So I didn't let my golden chances slip,
  For I showed her all the blood-marks where I jabbed him with the spurs,
   And the whip-strokes where I hit him with the whip.

  Then I asked her if she loved me, and she seemed inclined to shirk
   For a moment, so I took her by the head
  (So to speak) and rushed her at it; and she seemed to like the work
   When she kissed me, though she blushed a rosy red.

  She's a mouth as soft as velvet, and she plenty has of heart;
   I could worship every little step she takes;
  And the saddling-bell is ringing, so we're going to the start,
   Certain winners, for the Matrimonial Stakes!