The Mother's Duty Toward Herself—Her Dress—Etiquette and Good Manners—The Golden Rule—Pride in Personal Appearance—The Science of Beauty Culture—Manicuring as a Home Employment—Recipes for Toilet Preparations—Nail-biting—Fragile Nails—White Spots—Chapped Hands—Care of the Skin—Facial Massage—Recipes for Skin Lotions—Treatment of Facial Blemishes and Disorders—Care of the Hair—Diseases of the Scalp and Hair—Gray Hair—Care of Eyebrows and Eyelashes.
Certainly this is a duty, not a sin. "Cleanliness is indeed next to godliness."—JOHN WESLEY—On Dress.
In all her multitudinous concerns the housekeeper should not forget her duties toward herself. Many a mother in looking out that her children are a credit to the family in dress and manners and care of their persons, gives up all thought of standing as an exemplar of these things among the ladies of the community. This is a sacrifice of self that is not commendable, since it defeats its purpose. The mother should always be herself an illustration of the lessons she teaches, else they will not be seriously considered.
It is impossible here to give more than a few general suggestions as to the dress and millinery of the mother. She should have a variety of simple house-dresses, suited to her various duties, and these should be kept as neat as possible. Each should be made for its purpose, not converted to it from one of her fine dresses. Nothing gives an impression of slatternliness more than the wearing about the house of a frayed and soiled garment "that has seen better days."
The best dresses and hats of a woman, even one who goes little "into society," should also be sufficient in number and varied in style to suit the changing seasons of the year, and the widely differing occasions for use which occur in every station of life. The purchase of several good articles of attire rather than one or two is economical in the end. There is not only the obvious mathematical reason that, if one dress wears a year, four dresses must be bought in four years, whether this is done simultaneously or successively, but there is the physical reason that a dress, like a person, that has regular periods of rest, becomes restored in quality. Accordingly, all dresses should be laid very carefully away when not in use, and the proper means taken to refresh them.
Unfortunately the arbitrary and senseless changes in fashion render this practice hard to follow. No woman likes to look out of style. However, by a little cleverness garments and hats may be adapted to the prevailing mode (although the arbiters of fashion, in the interests of manufacturers, try by violent changes of style to render this impracticable). These adaptations may not be in the height of fashion, but they will be in good form and taste. Indeed, it is never good taste to follow extremes of style. The well-known lines of Pope on the subject hold true in every age:
"....in fashions the rule will hold, Alike fantastic if too new or old; Be not the first by whom the new are tried, Nor yet the last to lay the old aside."
Some of the best-dressed women in artistic and musical circles design their clothes wholly to suit their personal appearance, with such success that their independence of the prevailing mode of large or small hats or sleeves, striped or checked fabrics, etc., wins universal admiration.
Remember that a dress or a hat is never a "creation" in itself. The wearer must always be considered. Short, stout women should avoid horizontal stripes or lines of ornamentation that call attention to breadth, and should choose those perpendicular stripes and lines which tend to give an impression of height and slenderness. A hat lining may be used to put rosiness into a pale face, and a color may be selected for a dress which will neutralize too much redness in the skin. But these are matters of common knowledge to all women. The trouble is, that in their desire to be "in style," many women forget, or even deliberately ignore these fundamental principles of art in dress. Fondness for a particular color, as a color, causes many women to wear it, regardless of its relation to their complexion; and there have been women of mystical mind who, believing that each quality of soul had its correspondent in a particular hue, wore those colors which they thought were significant of their chief traits of character—with weird results, as you may imagine.
It is unnecessary, in this book of "practical suggestions," to discuss in detail the question of etiquette, which may be defined as "the prevailing fashion in social intercourse." Styles in visiting cards change from year to year, and the social usages of one city differ from another. If it is required to know these, the latest special work on etiquette should be procured.
The general principles of good manners, however, which lie at the basis of etiquette, just as good morals form the foundation of law, although there are discrepancies in both cases, may appropriately be presented here, though briefly.
Good manners and good morals alike follow the Golden Rule: "Whatsoever ye would that others should do to you, do ye even so to them." Egotism and selfishness are the bane of both. True politeness consists in considering the pleasure of others as a thing in itself, without regard to your own advantage. If an attention is paid, a gift given, a service rendered, these should be done solely for the recipient's happiness, not with a view to his making a return in kind, possibly with interest. It is good manners to call on people who will be pleased to see you; not on those whom you wish to see, but to whom you and your affairs are of no concern. A first visit to a newcomer in town is right and proper. A stranger is presumed to be desirous of making friends, but the first call ought to indicate whether or not he and you have that community of interest which is essential to friendship. If you are the newcomer, it is your duty to show your appreciation of the attention by returning first calls, but you should so act that your hosts will feel free to continue the acquaintance if it will be agreeable to them, or discontinue it if it is not. Indeed, in every situation you should give the other party this choice. Friendship is one of the most valuable forms of social energy, and it should carefully be conserved. Yet more than any other form it is wasted, because of a false regard for social conventions. At how many calls are both parties bored! How many persons—women in particular, who have not the man's freedom in selecting associates—continue in the treadmill round of an uncongenial social circle! To escape from this may require the special exercise of will, and the incurring of criticism, but these ought to be assumed. However, in most cases, a woman may gradually escape from the distasteful circle and form new and more congenial friends without remark.
After the brightening effects on mind and spirits of social intercourse comes the advantage of toning up the personal appearance. A decent self-respect in dress should always be flavored with a touch of pride, for this is an excellent preservative. To have a proper pride, there must be the incentive of the presence of other people whose admiration we may win. Pride in dress is naturally conjoined with the care of the person. There is an excellent term for this, which, though borrowed from the stable, carries with it only sweet and wholesome suggestions. It is "well-groomed." A well-groomed woman is not only a well-gowned woman, but one who, like a favorite mare, is always spick and span in her person, and happy in her quiet consciousness of it. And every woman, whether she possesses a maid or not, indeed, whether she has fine gowns or not, may win the admiration of all her associates by her "grooming."
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