Departmental Ditties and Barrack Room Ballads






GENERAL SUMMARY

  We are very slightly changed
  From the semi-apes who ranged
     India's prehistoric clay;
  Whoso drew the longest bow,
  Ran his brother down, you know,
     As we run men down today.

  “Dowb,” the first of all his race,
  Met the Mammoth face to face
     On the lake or in the cave,
  Stole the steadiest canoe,
  Ate the quarry others slew,
     Died—and took the finest grave.

  When they scratched the reindeer-bone
  Someone made the sketch his own,
     Filched it from the artist—then,
  Even in those early days,
  Won a simple Viceroy's praise
     Through the toil of other men.

  Ere they hewed the Sphinx's visage
  Favoritism governed kissage,
  Even as it does in this age.

  Who shall doubt the secret hid
  Under Cheops' pyramid
  Was that the contractor did
     Cheops out of several millions?
  Or that Joseph's sudden rise
  To Comptroller of Supplies
  Was a fraud of monstrous size
     On King Pharoah's swart Civilians?

  Thus, the artless songs I sing
  Do not deal with anything
     New or never said before.

  As it was in the beginning,
  Is today official sinning,
     And shall be forevermore.

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