One day Austin sat in his room in deep and troubled thought. It had been many months since such a burden lay on his heart. He was perplexed as well as troubled. That there must be a way out of his trial he knew, but where to find it was his problem. There had been many times in his life when he had longed for some older and wiser one than himself to guide him and his family through the rocks that threatened the little bark, but never did he feel that lack as now. The very foundations of his home were at stake.
Every home must have its breadwinner and its home-maker. Ever since that day on which Nell had made her promise to stand by him and do her best, she had filled the place of home-maker to his satisfaction. There had been times when she had grown restless with the confinement of it, and he had arranged for her to be relieved or to have a change of employment for a time; but always she had come back with renewed love and zeal for her home. He had expected her always to be so.
Austin was young in years, but his struggle with the real problems of life had developed his nature until he thought and felt as a man ten years older. In his mind his home was a permanent thing. There was, for him, to be no leaving of the old home and going out to make a new one. This was his home in as strong a sense as the word could ever be used. Whatever threatened this establishment was placing his earthly happiness in jeopardy. He was ready to rise and defend it with all his strength.
With Nell it was different. When she had given her promise to Austin to help him with the undertaking, she had felt the need of the shelter home would give. She was a little girl then, now she was at the door of womanhood. Instinctively she felt that this was not always to be her home, and she had a longing for the freedom, that normal girlhood feels, from responsibility and care. She longed to go out, as other girls went, to face the battles and make the conquests of life. It seemed to her that unless she made a bold dash for freedom her whole life would be given up to dull household tasks.
These vague longings and dissatisfied thoughts caused Nell to lose interest in her home duties. And in turning her attention to outside affairs she, for lack of experience and of the wise, guiding hand of a mother, began placing her affections and desires upon those things that are very enticing to youth but which do not bring the best good. It seemed to her that better clothes, more social activity, worldly amusements, and entire freedom from restraint would bring her the opportunities and the pleasures she craved. Since there was coming to her, as comes to every girl, that indefinite time when she must “settle down in life,” why should she not have her good times now!
Austin saw, or thought he saw, the course these “good times” would take, and their final outcome. Nell was impulsive and strong willed; she had no mother to guide her, and he feared the results of a period of wildness. He needed her help in the home, help that she could not give with a divided mind. He was a Christian at heart, one who had covenanted to live by the Word of God, leaving all that was “of the world” behind. He wanted his home to be in every sense a Christian home. It disappointed him that Nell was choosing the world.
But Austin, sitting alone in his room, did not reason things out as we have done here; he only felt and suffered. Nell, his strong right hand, was failing him. She would defy his rules, close her ears to his entreaties, and disobey his commands, going out when and where she pleased, choosing her own company and keeping her own counsels. Not understanding the nature of the change that had come over her, not reasoning back to the real cause, he blamed her and censured her actions. He had hoped to find in Nell one who would understand his purpose in life, and who would fall in with his plans completely. It was such a bitter disappointment to find her unwilling to do so.
Austin had much decision and real sternness in his make-up. Since Nell would not yield to his entreaties, he felt he must compel her to listen to reason. The methods he had used in times of rebellion when the children were smaller were of no value now, and some new plan must be found whereby he could humble Nell’s heart and cause her to walk the path he thought was best for her. He so much enjoyed their mutual comradeship and cooperation, and he believed she set a high value on them also. To refrain from talking with her, to keep a reserved, austere silence toward her except when speech was absolutely necessary, would surely bring her to her senses quicker than anything. He was not angry with her, but came to this deliberate decision because he believed it to be the best way to waken her to her errors.
One more serious talk with Nell, a defiant attitude on her part, and he began his discipline. Then followed weeks of pain. Nell would not submit, and Austin would not yield. It was a characteristic of the boy, as we have already seen, to follow a course he believed to be right in spite of all the opposition that might come against him. If he thought a principle of right or justice was at stake, nothing could turn him. The silence of the home was oppressive and more dangerous than words. The girls misunderstood Austin’s silence and called it anger and pouts. Nell, who for a while forgot her old loyalty to Austin, spoke of his behavior outside the family circle and caused evil reports to go out about him.
There was one who was, perhaps, more concerned about their trouble than any one else. She was a warm friend of both Austin’s and Nellie’s. To her Nell unburdened her heart, and the strong, true heart of Bessie Allison was stirred with sympathy and compassion for them both.
“Bessie, I can hardly stand it at home these days. Austin is terrible. He pouts around and won’t say a word, and has lost all his love for me. Home will never be as it once was, for I will not give in and mind him in every little thing as if I were only a child,” Nell had confided bitterly.
“Don’t Nell, don’t talk that way. Austin is not pouting, as you think, but he is trying to help you see your mistake. He means right. You know that he does, Nell. Think of all the past, and how he has stood by you.”
“Yes, I know, Bessie, that he has done nobly by us. But he does not understand us girls, and thinks we ought to obey him like children. I can’t do it, and I will not.”
Bessie was a woman of prayer, and often she carried their troubles to the throne of grace. She knew that Austin was making a sad mistake in the position he was taking, that it was hardening Nell and Lila both, and that it was bringing upon him criticism from their friends and neighbors. She could not see how any good could come of it.
“Austin,” she had said one day, “can you not see that you are making a mistake with Nell, and bringing on yourself needless criticism? Why are you taking this course, anyway?”
“She must obey me,” he said firmly. “Nell taunts me with anger, and says I am pouting, but I am neither angry nor pouting. I have decided to keep this silence till she submits.”
“It is a great mistake, Austin. Nell will not submit. She misunderstands your actions. You are driving her farther from God. I shall pray our heavenly Father to give you humility to count yourself defeated. Nell is not a child any longer, and you can not force her to be obedient to you, not in this way at least, and you will prove my words to be true. An example of humility from you now will heal matters better than anything you can do.”
For years Austin, against the opinions of others, had resolutely stood to what he thought was right. It was this stedfastness of character that had brought him through many hard-fought battles. And the process had developed tenacity and determination to what was out of balance with his humility and consideration for the opinions and consciences of others. From his point of view this affair was his and Nell’s, and did not concern his friends and acquaintances. His fighting-blood was up. But the words of Bessie, spoken so sincerely and kindly, began to reach his understanding, and at last he unbent.
“Nellie, I do not approve of your conduct. I am sorry for your attitude in the home and toward its responsibilities. But I see that I have gone too far in my attempt to force submission. I am sorry for the mistake I have made.” This he said to her one day. So the long silence was broken, but without any submission on Nell’s part. Her heart was just as restless as it had been before. It was plain that she could not make herself willing to remain with her home responsibility. Someway the burden of it had slipped from her shoulders.
Austin considered the turn his sister had taken; and while he could not understand it, and in his heart censured her considerably, yet he had his old desire to make her happy if possible.
“Nell,” he said, “I shall not hold you longer. I want you to feel as free to go as the others have been. While I have tried to give you a good home, and have done the best I understood in that endeavor, yet I would not force it upon you. If you wish to visit your brothers or any other of your relatives, I will provide means for you to make the journey. Or if you wish to go to work downtown, you may do that. Do not feel bound to the housework any longer, for my sake.”
“I do not know what I want to do. But I shall go somewhere soon. Do not worry about me, for I can look out for myself,” she answered. Her choice was to go on a long journey, to a distant State; and soon the home circle numbered but two.
Amy Hill Morton sat in her little dining-room, her arms resting on the table, and a letter before her over which she was poring with a frown on her pretty face. The letter was from Nell, and set forth in frank, girlish manner, her dissatisfaction with the home-management. “You know how you felt, Amy, how you could not bear to be dictated to, and you remember that Austin wanted to tell you where to go and who to be with. You could not stand it, and I can’t either. When I leave I am going to let Aus know that I can look out for myself.”
“Oh, Nell! what ails you?” she half sobbed. “Poor Austin! I wonder if every one of us children will be a separate disappointment to him! I know I have been nothing else. If I could have it to do over again I would let him see how much I do appreciate his sacrifice and devotion. I do not regret getting married; but I never realized till now what it has meant for him to settle down and give all his young life for us. Ned and I have a time to keep our two selves going on his wages, yet Austin managed to support all of us. I know he never had a care-free day in his life. He knows nothing but responsibility. He never was young. I am sorry for every unkind word and act I ever gave him. I am going to write Nell a letter telling her just what I think of her plans.” Suiting her actions to her words, she wrote a long letter to Nell, pouring out her heart in sisterly fashion.
“What if Austin has made mistakes! Look over them. You can not expect him to be faultless when we are so full of faults. Stay at home, Nell, and make him a home as long as he needs you. He has done more for you than has any one else. No one cares for you as he does. Do not grieve him by your lack of appreciation,” were some of the things she wrote. Nell was touched by the appeal, for she was tender-hearted; but it did not change her face the problem of life without her.
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