Some of the public, who were loafing in the portico, threw stones at the
reciting Eumolpus and he, taking note of this tribute to his genius,
covered his head and bolted out of the temple. Fearing they might take
me for a poet, too, I followed after him in his flight and came to the
seashore, where we stopped as soon as we were out of range. "Tell me,"
I demanded, "what are you going to do about that disease of yours?
You've loafed with me less than two hours, and you've talked more often
like a poet than you have like a human being! For this reason, I'm not
at all surprised that the rabble chases you with rocks. I'm going to
load my pockets with stones, too, and whenever you begin to go out of
your head, I'm going to let blood out of it!" His expression changed.
"My dear young man," said he, "today is not the first time I have had
such compliments showered upon me; the audience always applauds me in
this fashion, when I go into the theatre to recite anything, but I'll
abstain from this sort of diet for the whole day, for fear of having
trouble with you." "Good," I replied, "we'll dine together if you'll
swear off crankiness for the day." (So saying,) I gave the housekeeper
the orders for our little supper (and we went straight off to the baths.)
(There) I catch sight of Giton laden with towels and scrapers, leaning, downhearted and embarrassed, against the wall. You could see that he did not serve of his own free will. Then, that I might assure myself that I saw aright, "Take pity on me, brother," he cried, turning towards me a face lighted up with joy, "there are no arms here, I can speak freely take me away from that bloody robber, and punish your penitent judge as severely as you like. To have perished, should you wish it, will be a consolation great enough in my misery!" Fearing some one might overhear our plans, I bade him hush his complaints and, leaving Eumolpus behind--for he was reciting a poem in the bath--I pull Giton down a dark and dirty passage, after me, and fly with all speed to my lodgings. Arriving there, I slam the door shut, embrace him convulsively, and press my face against his which is all wet with tears. For a long time, neither of us could find his voice, and as for the lad, his shapely bosom was heaving continuously with choking sobs. "Oh the disgraceful inconsistency of it all," I cried, "for I love you still, although you abandoned me, and no scar from that gaping wound is left upon this breast! What can you say that will justify you in yielding your love to a stranger? Did I merit such an affront'?" He held his head higher when he found that he was loved.
For one to love, and at the same time, blame,
That were a labor Hercules to tame!
Conflicting passions yield in Cupid's name.
("And furthermore," I went on), "I was not the one that laid the cause of
our love before another judge, but I will complain no more, I will
remember nothing, if you will prove your penitence by keeping faith."
He wiped his face upon his mantle, while I poured out these words, with
groans and tears. "Encolpius," said he, "I beseech you, I appeal to your
honest recollection, did I leave you, or did you throw me over? For my
part, I admit, and openly at that, that I sought, refuge with the
stronger, when I beheld two armed men." I kissed that, bosom, so full of
prudence, threw my arms around his neck and pressed him tightly against
my breast, that he might see unmistakably that he had gotten back into my
good graces, and that our friendship lived again in perfect confidence.
Night had fallen by this time, and the woman to whom I had given my order had prepared supper, when Eumolpus knocked at the door. "How many of you are there?" I called out, and as I spoke, I peeped cautiously through a chink in the door to see if Ascyltos had come with him; then, as I perceived that he was the only guest, I quickly admitted him. He threw himself upon the pallet and caught sight of Giton, waiting table, whereupon, he nodded his head, "I like your Ganymede," he remarked, "this day promises a good ending!" I did not take kindly to such an inquisitive beginning, fearing that I had let another Ascyltos into my lodging. Eumolpus stuck to his purpose. "I like you better than the whole bathful," he remarked, when the lad had served him with wine, then he thirstily drained the cup dry and swore that never before had he tasted a wine with such a satisfying tang to it. "While I was bathing," he went on, "I was almost beaten up for trying to recite a poem to the people sitting around the basin, and when I had been thrown out of the baths, just like I was out of the theatre, I hunted through every nook and cranny of the building, calling 'Encolpius, Encolpius,' at the top of my voice. A naked youth at the other end, who had lost his clothes, was bawling just as loudly and no less angrily for Giton! As for myself, the slaves took me for a maniac, and mimicked me in the most insolent manner, but a large crowd gathered around him, clapping its hands in awe-struck admiration, for so heavy and massive were his private parts, that you would have thought that the man himself was but an appendage of his own member! Oh such a man! He could do his bit all right! I haven't a doubt but that he could begin on the day before and never finish till the day after the next! And he soon found a friend, of course: some Roman knight or other, I don't know his name, but he bears a bad reputation, so they say, threw his own mantle around the wanderer and took him off home with himself, hoping, I suppose, to have the sole enjoyment of so huge a prize. But I couldn't get my own clothing back from the officious bath attendant till I found some one who could identify me, which only goes to show that it is more profitable to rub up the member than it is to polish the mind!" While Eumolpus was relating all this, I changed countenance continually, elated, naturally, at the mishaps of my enemy, and vexed at his good fortune; but I controlled my tongue nevertheless, as if I knew nothing about the episode, and read aloud the bill of fare. (Hardly had I finished, when our humble meal was served. The food was plain but succulent and nutritious, and the famished scholar Eumolpus, fell to ravenously.)
Kind Providence unto our needs has tempered its decrees
And met our wants, our carping plaints to still
Green herbs, and berries hanging on their rough and brambly sprays
Suffice our hunger's gnawing pangs to kill.
What fool would thirst upon a river's brink? Or stand and freeze
In icy blasts, when near a cozy fire?
The law sits armed outside the door, adulterers to seize,
The chaste bride, guiltless, gratifies desire.
All Nature lavishes her wealth to meet our just demands;
But, spurred by lust of pride, we stop at naught to gain our ends!
(Our philosopher began to moralize, when he had gorged himself, leveling
many critical shafts at those who hold every-day things in contempt,
esteeming nothing except what is rare.)
("To their perverted taste," he went on,) everything one may have lawfully is held cheap and the appetite, tickled only by forbidden indulgences, delights in what is most difficult to obtain.
The pheasant from Colchis, the wild-fowl from African shores,
Because they are dainties, the parvenu's palate adores
The white-feathered goose, and the duck in his bright-colored plumes
Must nourish the rabble; they're common, so them Fashion dooms!
The wrasse brought from dangerous Syrtis is much more esteemed
When fishing-boats founder! And even the mullet is deemed,
No matter how heavy, a weight on the market! The whore
Displaces the wife; and in perfumes, the cinnamon more
Is esteemed than the rose! So whatever we have, we despise,
And whatever we have not, we think a superlative prize!"
"Is this the way in which you keep your promise not to recite a single
verse today?" I demanded; "bear in mind your promise and spare us, at
least, for we have thrown no rocks at you yet. If a single one of those
fellows drinking under this very roof were to smell out a poet in their
midst, he would arouse the whole neighborhood and involve all of us in
the same misunderstanding!" Giton, who was one of the gentlest of lads,
took me to task for having spoken in that manner, denying that I did
rightly in criticising my elders and at the same time forgetting my
duties as host by offering an affront to one whom I had invited out of
kindness. And much more, full of moderation and propriety, which was in
exquisite keeping with his good looks.
"Happy the mother," cried Eumolpus, "who bore such a son as you! May
your fortune be in keeping with your merit! Beauty and wisdom are rarely
found mixed! And that you may not think that all your words are wasted,
know that you have found a lover! I will fill my verses with your
praise! I will act as your guardian and your tutor, following you even
when you bid me stay behind! Nor can Encolpius take offense, he loves
another." The soldier who took my sword from me did Eumolpus a good
turn, too; otherwise, the rage which I had felt against Ascyltos would
have been quenched in the blood of Eumolpus. Seeing what was in the wind,
Giton slipped out of the room, pretending he was going after water, and
by this diplomatic retreat he put an end to my fury. Then, as my anger
cooled, little by little, "Eumolpus," I said, "rather than have you
entertain designs of such a nature, I would even prefer to have you
spouting poetry! I am hot-tempered and you are lecherous; see how
uncongenial two such dispositions must be! Take me for a maniac, humor
my malady: in other words, get out quick!" Taken completely aback by
this onslaught, Eumolpus crossed the threshold of the room without
stopping to ask the reason for my wrath, and immediately slammed the door
shut, penning me in, as I was not looking for any move of that kind then,
having quickly removed the key, he hurried away in search of Giton.
Finding that I was locked in, I decided to hang myself, and had already
fastened my belt to the bedstead which stood alongside of the wall, and
was engaged in fastening the noose around my neck, when the doors were
unlocked and Eumolpus came in with Giton, recalling me to light when I
was just about to turn the fatal goal-post! Giton was greatly wrought up
and his grief turned to fury: seizing me with both hands, he threw me
upon the bed. "If you think, Encolpius," he shrieked, "that you can
contrive to die before I do, you're wrong! I thought of suicide first.
I hunted for a sword in Ascyltos' house: I would have thrown myself from
a precipice if I had not found you! You know that Death is never far
from those who seek him, so take your turn and witness the spectacle you
wished to see!" So saying, he snatched a razor from Eumolpus' servant,
slashed his throat, once, twice, and fell down at our feet! I uttered a
loud cry, rushed to him as he fell, and sought the road to death by the
same steel; Giton, however, showed not the faintest trace of any wound,
nor was I conscious of feeling any pain. The razor, it turned out, was
untempered and dull and was used to imbue boy apprentices with the
confidence of the experienced barber. Hence it was in a sheath and, for
the reason given above, the servant was not alarmed when the blade was
snatched nor did Eumolpus break in upon this farcical death scene.
All books are sourced from Project Gutenberg