NOW RIDDLE ME THIS
The children were sitting in the swing. Florence Hammer, a little girl whose mother was spending the day at Miss Minerva's, was with them.
“Don't you-all wish Santa Claus had his birthday right now 'stead 'o waiting till Christmas to hang up our stockings?” asked Frances.
“Christmas isn't Santa Claus' birthday,” corrected Lina. “God was born on Christmas and that's the reason we hang up our stockings.”
“Yes; it is old Santa's birthday, too,” argued Jimmy, “'cause it's in the Bible and Miss Cecilia 'splained it to me and she 'bout the dandiest 'splainer they is.”
“Which you-all like the best: God or Doctor Sanford or Santa Claus?” asked Florence.
“I like God 'nother sight better 'n I do anybody,” declared Jimmy, “'cause He so forgivingsome. He's 'bout the forgivingest person they is. Santa Claus can't let you go to Heaven nor Doctor Sanford neither, nor our papas and mamas nor Miss Minerva. Now wouldn't we be in a pretty fix if we had to 'pend on Doctor Sanford or Santa Claus to forgive you every time you run off or fall down and bust your breeches. Naw; gimme God evy time.”
“I like Santa Claus the best,” declared Frances, “'cause he isn't f'rever getting in your way, and hasn't any castor oil like Doctor Sanford, and you don't f'rever have to be telling him you're sorry you did what you did, and he hasn't all time got one eye on you either, like God, and got to follow you 'round. And Santa Claus don't all time say, Shet your eyes and open your mouth,' like Doctor Sanford, 'and poke out your tongue.'”
“I like Doctor Sanford the best,” said Florence, “'cause he 's my uncle, and God and Santa Claus ain't kin to me.”
“And the Bible say, 'Love your kin-folks,' Miss Cecilia 'splained—”
“I use to like my Uncle Doc' heap better 'n what I do now,” went on the little girl, heedless of Jimmy's interruption, “till I went with daddy to his office one day. And what you reckon that man's got in his office? He's got a dead man 'thout no meat nor clo'es on, nothing a tall but just his bones.”
“Was he a hant?” asked Billy. “I like the Major best—he 's got meat on.”
“Naw; he didn't have no sheet on—just bones,” was the reply.
“No sheet on; no meat on!” chirruped Billy, glad of the rhyme.
“Was he a angel, Florence?” questioned Frances.
“Naw; he didn't have no harp and no wings neither.”
“It must have been a skeleton,” explained Lina.
“And Uncle Doc' just keeps that poor man there and won't let him go to Heaven where dead folks b'longs.”
“I spec' he wasn't a good man 'fore he died and got to go to the Bad Place,” suggested Frances.
“I'll betcher he never asked God to forgive him when he 'ceived his papa and sassed his mama,”—this from Jimmy, “and Doctor Sanford's just a-keeping old Satan from getting him to toast on a pitchfork.”
“I hope they'll have a Christmas tree at Sunday-School next Christmas,” said Frances, harking back, “and I hope I'll get a heap o' things like I did last Christmas. Poor little Tommy Knott he's so skeered he wasn't going to get nothing at all on the tree so he got him a great, big, red apple an' he wrote on a piece o' paper 'From Tommy Knott to Tommy Knott,' and tied it to the apple and put it on the tree for hi'self.”
“Let's ask riddles,” suggested Lina.
“All right,” shouted Frances, “I'm going to ask the first.”
“Naw; you ain't neither,” objected Jimmy. “You all time got to ask the first riddle. I'm going to ask the first one—
“'Round as a biscuit, busy as a bee,
Prettiest little thing you ever did see?'—
'A watch.'
“Humpty Dumpty set on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Can't put Humpty Dumpty back again.'
'A egg.'
“'Round as a ring, deep as a cup,
All the king's horses can't pull it up.'
'A well.'
“'House full, yard full, can't ketch—'”
“Hush, Jimmy!” cried Lina, in disgust. “You don't know how to ask riddles. You must n't give the answers, too. Ask one riddle at a time and let some one else answer it. I'll ask one and see who can answer it:
“'As I was going through a field of wheat
I picked up something good to eat,
'Twas neither fish nor flesh nor bone,
I kept it till it ran alone?'”
“A snake! A snake!” guessed Florence. “That's a easy riddle.”
“Snake, nothing!” scoffed Jimmy, “you can't eat a snake. 'Sides Lina wouldn't 'a' picked up a snake. Is it a little baby rabbit, Lina?”
“It was neither fish nor flesh nor bone,” she declared; “and a rabbit is flesh and bone.”
“Then it's boun' to be a apple,” was Jimmy's next guess; “that ain't no flesh and blood and it's good to eat.”
“An apple can't run alone,” she triumphantly answered. “Give it up? Well, it was an egg and it hatched to a chicken. Now, Florence, you ask one.”
“S'pose a man was locked up in a house,” she asked, “how'd he get out?”
“Clam' outer a winder,” guessed Billy.
“'Twa'n't no winder to the house,” she declared.
“Crawled out th'oo the chim'ly, like Santa Claus,” was Billy's next guess.
“'Twa'n't no chim'ly to it. Give it up? Give it up?” the little girl laughed gleefully. “Well, he just broke out with measles.”
“It is Billy's time,” said Lina, who seemed to be mistress of ceremonies.
“Tabernicle learnt this here one at school; 'see, if y' all can guess it: 'Tabby had four kittens but Stillshee didn't have none 't all”'
“I don't see no sense a tall in that,” argued Jimmy, “'thout some bad little boys drownded 'em.”
“Tabby was a cat,” explained the other boy, “and she had four kittens; and Stillshee was a little girl, and she didn't have no kittens 't all.”
“What's this,” asked Jimmy: “'A man rode'cross a bridge and Fido walked? 'Had a little dog name' Fido.”
“You didn't ask that right, Jimmy,” said Lina, “you always get things wrong. The riddle is, 'A man rode across a bridge and Yet he walked,' and the answer is, 'He had a little dog named Yet who walked across the bridge.'”
“Well, I'd 'nother sight ruther have a little dog name' Fido,” declared Jimmy. “A little dog name' Yet and a little girl name' Stillshee ain't got no sense a tall to it.”
“Why should a hangman wear suspenders?” asked Lina. “I'll bet nobody can answer that.”
“To keep his breeches from falling off,” triumphantly answered Frances.
“No, you goose, a hangman should wear suspenders so that he 'd always have a gallows handy.”
All books are sourced from Project Gutenberg