1. Hell is a city much like London— A populous and a smoky city; There are all sorts of people undone, And there is little or no fun done; 150 Small justice shown, and still less pity. 2. There is a Castles, and a Canning, A Cobbett, and a Castlereagh; All sorts of caitiff corpses planning All sorts of cozening for trepanning 155 Corpses less corrupt than they. 3. There is a ***, who has lost His wits, or sold them, none knows which; He walks about a double ghost, And though as thin as Fraud almost— 160 Ever grows more grim and rich. 4. There is a Chancery Court; a King; A manufacturing mob; a set Of thieves who by themselves are sent Similar thieves to represent; 165 An army; and a public debt. 5. Which last is a scheme of paper money, And means—being interpreted— 'Bees, keep your wax—give us the honey, And we will plant, while skies are sunny, 170 Flowers, which in winter serve instead.' 6. There is a great talk of revolution— And a great chance of despotism— German soldiers—camps—confusion— Tumults—lotteries—rage—delusion— 175 Gin—suicide—and methodism; 7. Taxes too, on wine and bread, And meat, and beer, and tea, and cheese, From which those patriots pure are fed, Who gorge before they reel to bed 180 The tenfold essence of all these. 8. There are mincing women, mewing, (Like cats, who amant misere,) Of their own virtue, and pursuing Their gentler sisters to that ruin, 185 Without which—what were chastity? 9. Lawyers—judges—old hobnobbers Are there—bailiffs—chancellors— Bishops—great and little robbers— Rhymesters—pamphleteers—stock-jobbers— 190 Men of glory in the wars,— 10. Things whose trade is, over ladies To lean, and flirt, and stare, and simper, Till all that is divine in woman Grows cruel, courteous, smooth, inhuman, 195 Crucified 'twixt a smile and whimper. 11. Thrusting, toiling, wailing, moiling, Frowning, preaching—such a riot! Each with never-ceasing labour, Whilst he thinks he cheats his neighbour, 200 Cheating his own heart of quiet. 12. And all these meet at levees;— Dinners convivial and political;— Suppers of epic poets;—teas, Where small talk dies in agonies;— 205 Breakfasts professional and critical; 13. Lunches and snacks so aldermanic That one would furnish forth ten dinners, Where reigns a Cretan-tongued panic, Lest news Russ, Dutch, or Alemannic 210 Should make some losers, and some winners— 45. At conversazioni—balls— Conventicles—and drawing-rooms— Courts of law—committees—calls Of a morning—clubs—book-stalls— 215 Churches—masquerades—and tombs.
15. And this is Hell—and in this smother All are damnable and damned; Each one damning, damns the other; They are damned by one another, 220 By none other are they damned. 16. 'Tis a lie to say, 'God damns'! Where was Heaven's Attorney General When they first gave out such flams? Let there be an end of shams, 225 They are mines of poisonous mineral. 17. Statesmen damn themselves to be Cursed; and lawyers damn their souls To the auction of a fee; Churchmen damn themselves to see 230 God's sweet love in burning coals. 18. The rich are damned, beyond all cure, To taunt, and starve, and trample on The weak and wretched; and the poor Damn their broken hearts to endure 235 Stripe on stripe, with groan on groan. 19. Sometimes the poor are damned indeed To take,—not means for being blessed,— But Cobbett's snuff, revenge; that weed From which the worms that it doth feed 240 Squeeze less than they before possessed. 20. And some few, like we know who, Damned—but God alone knows why— To believe their minds are given To make this ugly Hell a Heaven; 245 In which faith they live and die. 21. Thus, as in a town, plague-stricken, Each man be he sound or no Must indifferently sicken; As when day begins to thicken, 250 None knows a pigeon from a crow,— 22. So good and bad, sane and mad, The oppressor and the oppressed; Those who weep to see what others Smile to inflict upon their brothers; 255 Lovers, haters, worst and best; 23. All are damned—they breathe an air, Thick, infected, joy-dispelling: Each pursues what seems most fair, Mining like moles, through mind, and there 260 Scoop palace-caverns vast, where Care In throned state is ever dwelling.
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